Spiritual Desert

Have you ever felt like you were going through a dry-spell, spiritually? I have felt this way for a while now, probably over a year. It's as if I'm in a spiritual desert, parched and thirsty for some holy water. The land is barren, unfruitful. My life is not producing anything that appears to my mind as spiritual growth. I mean I am still going to church most Sundays, praying every night before I drift off to sleep, attending a bible study group where we worship before and after the message, and reading spiritually-based books. Then why do I feel stuck, like I've reached a wall, an impasse in my spiritual journey? 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says: "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." And it goes on to describe times for specific things, like a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to be silent and a time to speak. The one that stands out to me is "a time to search and a time to give up." This is profound to me, since one wouldn't think God would want us to give up on anything. But even giving up has its purpose in God's divine plan in my life. I'm sure He doesn't mean give up in the traditional sense we know it to mean. It is more a "letting go and letting God," like the saying goes. In fact, it is not so much a giving up as it is a giving over to Him to take care of. This I can do... I think :)

When I really think about it, I AM growing tired of searching. Perhaps my time to search has come to an end and it's time to give it up. It has grown futile and is not serving me nor God. Maybe it's God's way of wanting me to remember what it is I set out to find in the first place. I have to ask myself - what am I looking for anyway? Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the searching, the endless seeking, that we become lost in it and we forget what it was we were looking for! Our original intentions can get so clouded as we're on this path. Times like these call for us to stop and re-examine our intentions. Am I trying to become "more" Christian, or an expert on the bible? Am I looking to increase my faith and trust God more, or find my life's calling and identity in Christ? Do I want more peace in my life or am I avoiding my issues? In some sense, I guess my search includes all of these things. But that's probably not how it works. I can't expect to have all my spiritual goals met in one sitting, through one pathway. Christianity is not a grab-bag from which I can just take out whatever and how much I want whenever I want it. 

Ultimately, I am looking to grow closer to God and thereby find my essential nature and purpose, whatever form or shape that takes. It's important to actually verbalize this for me. They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. I have taken that first step, and many more since, but now it's time to stop walking and rest. Verse 6 says, "a time to keep and a time to throw away." I need to look around at what I have gathered along the way and see what's worth keeping, and what I need to throw away for it has no use anymore, and might even be harming me. This is the walk of a Christian life - a constant planting and uprooting, building and tearing down, laughing and crying. I imagine God intends for us to evolve, continuously, into better versions of our Christian selves... until we are one step closer to being rooted in His image. Perhaps that is where both the joy and challenge of this spiritual exploration lies. 

And in any case, I wouldn't want my relationship with God to be static, lacking movement and vitality. I want it to change, advance, expand.... essentially grow and mature. And for that to take place, it needs to be uprooted every now and then; its foundation shaken to become more grounded in faith. It's as if God knows how forgetful we can be and how engrossed in our daily existence, causing us to lose a little bit of trust or faith in Him, or at least not live out our faith. At least that's what happens to me. The wall comes up in our path whenever we are veering off the road leading closer to God when we mistakenly believe ourselves to actually be getting nearer to Him. I think it's also God's way of giving us a choice, reminding us that we have free will and we can choose to continue down the spiritual path or walk another way. When we have undoubtedly made our decision, the wall blocking us goes down.

So here's to embracing every aspect of this journey. A time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate. And here's a special Amen to giving up! :)

Stay blessed.

~No Guidelines Required~

I have spent most of my adult life searching for guidelines, instructions, how-to articles, on everything from finding a career, relationships, and even reading the bible, to organizing my desk and finding the right-shaped sunglasses for my face. I have depended on these like life-jackets, not trusting to go out into the water without them. Before I try anything new, whether it be food or blogging, I have to read about how it's done or how someone else did it before I give it a try. Why is that? The strange thing is, I have not turned to the one place that has ALL the answers I really need - God's word. Sure I've gone to church, joined a choir, been part of bible study groups, memorized verses, journaled in my 'spiritual journal,' but have I deepened my spiritual practice by turning to His word? Whenever I'd see studies on a book in the bible in the weekly church pamphlets handed to us as we walk in, and heard the pastor encouraging us to study them over the next few weeks or months, I'd briefly glance at it but never gave it much thought or commitment. My mind always whispered, 'that's for the 'hard-core' Christians, not me.' Or 'it sounds boring/hard/long/etc.' As God was placing answers literally in my lap, I was too busy planning the week ahead.

Now that I think about it, whenever in my bible groups we came upon a 'study' of Luke, Romans, etc. or whenever I wanted to join a new group and it revolved around reading a book in the bible, I was always turned off by this and so turned away from joining or participating. How can I expect to get anywhere when I'm not willing to do the necessary, foundational work? Did I assume I could just skip that part, go to prayer, and receive blessing? What am I praying over when I do that? Clearly there is a gap between my desire to get closer to God and find His purpose for me, and finding it.

I cannot continue depending on guidelines from external sources that claim to know how to do something "right." They have just found a way that works for THEM. If I rely on others' instructions all the time, I will never leave room for another way to manifest. Perhaps I am meant to find another way, another route. Maybe God wants me to carve out a new path, with fresh new possibilities that I would never have known about had I followed someone else's footsteps. Didn't Robert Frost say: 

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by.
And that has made all the difference."

What difference does God want me to make? What difference does He want you to make? Let us not limit ourselves to guidelines. They are written merely for practical purposes, not spiritual. So long as we trust them more than trust God's ways, we will be in the dark. Sure we will find instructions on how to turn the light back on, but only God can turn on the light in our hearts and make it shine with an intense radiance that emanates through us. With God, there are no guidelines required, only a heart constantly and utterly in search for Him.


Stay blessed.


Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; Seek, and ye shall find; Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.